When they least expect it, what a couple believes is a wonderful marriage can go crashing down. In the same manner, a shaky boyfriend- girlfriend relationship can fall flat on its face. The reason is that one partner or both of them have opened up their relationship to unfavorable influences.
These influences may be the faults and bad habits of the partners themselves. On the other hand, their friends and enemies can play dangerous roles which may lead to problems or collapse of the relationship. The situation is comparable to ants eating away the wooden beams of a house while the occupants don’t know what is happening to their home.
In marriage, some friends can be good natured but undiplomatic or even malicious towards the couple. The spouses may be unaware of the dangers ahead of them. Such friends tend to repeat to the couple the problems and complaints the spouses share with them. The partners then begin to mistrust each other, accuse each other and have unnecessary arguments and quarrels. They also grow distant from each other and fail to solve problems together.
Again rightly or wrongly, trust issues can develop in the marriage and friends can come in to destroy the relationship. The friends may have good intentions or be bent on causing trouble. Such friends report to the couple what each spouse has said about the other to them ( the friends).
Of course, some couples destroy their marriage without the interference of outsiders , especially when they do not seek professional counselling for their problems . Sometimes one person or both spouses may decide it is no longer possible to solve their problems.
As indicated earlier, enemies too can damage a marriage or the relationship between a man and his girlfriend. These foes achieve their goals with the skills of an accomplished diplomat and a brilliant spy combined! (Please forgive the comparison)!
One such enemy, a young woman, wanted for herself the boyfriend of a young lady called Diana. So she sent advice through a mutual friend to Diana to leave her boyfriend. Her reason was that this young man had several other girlfriends and that Diana was wasting her time on him!Diana fell for the enemy’s lies only to regret her poor decision later.
Unfortunately it is not always easy or possible to restore damaged or destroyed relationships. Where restoration happens, a lot of patience goes into making the relationship vibrant and a place of safety and trust. It takes time to practice commitment rather than romantic feelings/love between the partners.
For those who are married, professional and where possible Christian counselors are needed. These professionals assist the couple to develop the necessary willingness and faith to restart their relationship on the right road. Old poor habits and terrible characteristics may then give way OVER TIME to good ones. And the marriage then stands the chance of becoming better than before. But where pretense, lack of consistency or weakness in character are present, very little or no good may comes out of those attempts.
For the single and those who want to get married, reading and learning how to carry on sensible friendships and preparation for marriage is essential. They must avoid the pitfalls described in my blog STRATEGIES FOR AVOIDING AN UNHAPPY MARRIAGE.
Professional and premarital counselling benefit the preparation for marriage and the marriage itself. Going through this process helps to avoid problems or make them easy to solve during marriage. Also it helps significantly to attend retreats, and see counsellors after marriage where necessary. These are essential ways to upgrade relationships and keep them stable and enjoyable. Above all, holding firmly to your faith when you are Christian and living it out in your marriage provide a sure foundation for the union.
I wish to recommend Marriage On The Rock by Jimmy Evans for those who want to build their marriages on Jesus the Rock, enrich their marital relationships and to save marriages which are heading towards divorce.
For those looking for partners to marry, I will appeal to them to read The Right One, by Jimmy Evans and Gary Martin. This book teaches these lessons: “love is not a feeling; it’s a decision. It’s not something you experience; it’s something you choose to do”.
Both books are available on Amazon and I believe in bookshops.
The Bible also teaches this fundamental truth from Ephesians 5:33 New Living Translation : “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself , and the wife must respect her husband .”
POSTSCRIPT – Readers are advised to seek professional counselling instead of relying on the material in this blog.