Most times a young woman will find herself in a dilemma at some point in her relationship with a man; whether to continue the friendship or get out of it.

This reminds me of a quotation from Shakespeare’s play Hamlet, “To be or not to be; that is the question”. Here the main character Hamlet is wondering what he must do in a particular situation.

Every woman has bad traits she must discard for her own good and the good of her relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

When a young woman finds a fault or habit in her man that she does not like, must she close her eyes to what she has found, believing things will somehow turn out right? Must she simply run away from the relationship for fear she is letting herself into trouble? Must she pause to evaluate the entire situation ?

After a period of friendship, a lady may find her man wants her to do only what he approves of; stop spending time with her girlfriends or even pay sufficient attention to her own family, that is her parents and siblings; never talk to another man; he may even beat her up when he is angry with her!

These may be extreme examples! But what must a girl do in any of these or similar scenarios?

One young woman will drop the man like a hot brick out of fear of getting herself into a terrible marriage if he decides to propose to her. Another lady will request a pause in the relationship to find out if his attitude will change for the better. A permanent change however cannot be guaranteed unless the man is willing to genuinely allow Jesus to change him. This is clearly stated in 2 Corinthians 5:17 of the Bible, Therefore if anyone is in Christ (Jesus) he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come. Yet another lady will close her eyes to the problem in the hope that she can tolerate the habit or it will somehow go away after they are married.

There is a wise saying which states it is better to keep your eyes wide open when entering a relationship and during the period preceding marriage. The saying however goes on to advise closing one’s eyes permanently to faults, to the extent of behaving like a blind person, after the pair gets married!

If a woman does not make the right decisions early enough, she risks falling deeply in love with her man for superficial and wrong reasons. These can be

1.Generosity with money or attention

2. Sex when the two do not know each other well enough. The Bible teaches against sex before marriage. When a girl does not know what she likes or dislikes in her boyfriend, sex can blind her to his poor qualities because she has enjoyed sleeping with him. She may also be unwilling to leave him because she feels guilty about having sex before marriage. He may also marry her before her eyes open to all that she cannot tolerate in marriage.

The woman may then decide she and her husband are incompatible and ask for divorce. Another lady may decide she does not believe in divorce because of her faith or family traditions and simply go through the motions of being married. Either way her physical or emotional health may suffer. She may become depressed, unhappy, lose weight and appear miserable to people around her. She may become sick enough to be admitted to a medical or psychiatric institution! She can also literally die from a bad marriage as if it were a fatal disease!

Any children from the marriage can suffer from the break up or the unhappy marriage. What could hurt more may be a desertion by the man before or after marriage. A man without conscience may never propose marriage after many years of friendship! Meanwhile the lady has realized the guy was not marriage material but failed to quit the relationship earlier.

Before starting a relationship every girl must have standards, possibly written down for easy reference, so she knows what she wants and is necessary in the character of a man who may become her husband. She can read books about marriage and how to choose a husband. This is important if she is a person of faith and particularly if she is a Christian. She can attend seminars or lectures about marriage and observe couples whose marriage she admires.

These points I have raised for ladies to consider can also help men to choose sensibly female friends who may end up as their wives.


Add yours

  1. Very true points. I believe people in general should really get to know themselves and truly love themselves prior to entering into any relationship. This way you have a better understanding of your needs and what type of mate you need. Self love I believe determines how you allow people to treat you. Not everyone deserves a front seat in your life.


    1. Audrey, I agree with all that you’ve said. It’s safer to get to know a man fairly well before you start a serious relationship with him.


  2. Dear Auntie Amelia,
    This is an inspiring publication. In truth only Jesus Christ can change a person. You also said it right- No lady or young man have ability to see into the habits now and in the future of the to-be partner but assuredly, one factor counts; own standards. One’s standards would let him/her choose rightful character as a complimenting and compatible couple.

    God bless you more and more.

    Your Son,


    1. Thanks Emmanuel for your inspiring comments. You have spurred me on to start a second blog soon. God richly bless you


  3. Incredible piece! Love one another above all things. “A woman finds life much more enjoyable if she knows she is the sweetheart, not just the wife of her husband” Dr James Dobson.


  4. This was a good read.
    In addition I believe both men and women should have standards that are critical and non negotiable in potential spouses. They may also have ones that are flexible and open for negotiation. In this way, one may know the people they should entertain in their lives. I should say also, that marriage should be entered prayerfully and carefully.


    1. I agree with you completely. I remember my father said he prayed for a wife before he met my mother. They weren’t a perfect couple but they had a happy marriage


  5. A good piece of work. Keep it up.
    However, it is important to note the following: Marriage is a journey for responsible and near maturing persons. It is however, important to note that maturity continues with marriage.

    The choice of a life partner must never be a stroke of an arm, but a purposeful and gradual process. The relationship must start from the acquaintance stage through a series of friendship stages and ultimately to the courting stage.

    The promotion of a relationship from one stage to the other should be shaped by your values and red flags. In the first two stages, the brain should override the heart; where questions like blood status (sickler etc) could be asked. Once you transit to the courting stage then there is near certainty that you made the right choice.


    1. Leslie , your comment was detailed and extremely accurate. I love what you wrote more, each time I read it.


  6. Good read Auntie Amelia.
    Such guidance and conversations should be encouraged within homes to shape the thoughts and the development of young adults.
    Pointers of a ‘good or bad marriage’ can be identified during courtship if we are attentive enough. More so the standards required in ones definition of a ‘good marriage’ remains as an individual KPI which can only be set by the parties involved.
    My humble suggestion is; Don’t settle. Insist on the standards and acceptable tolerance levels, walk into marriage having a fair idea of worst case scenarios so that one doesn’t get disappointed.
    Remember that, expectation is the mother of all disappointments.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are right, Edwin. You hit the nail right on the head! Your comments are worth considering during conversations between parents and growing children in the home.


  7. Thanks so much Mum for sharing such a wonderful piece with us. It would been of great help if I had read this months ago but I still think I can take a lot from it.

    God bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This is a great piece…..Practical guidelines you have outline, Thank you Grandma
    This is amazing! Thanks Grandma


    1. Also my sister in law lately suggested a change to the title- Want to avoid regret after marriage? Ladies this is how you can!


  9. Great massage but what I have realized is that most women who are selective in choosing a life partner ends up delaying their marriages


    1. Thank you very much for your compliment. I would rather say some of them delay getting married without good reason. Most wait to make the right choice taking into consideration the standards they have set up for themselves.

      Liked by 1 person

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