Most times a young woman will find herself in a dilemma at some point in her relationship with a man; whether to continue the friendship or get out of it.
This reminds me of a quotation from Shakespeare’s play Hamlet, “To be or not to be; that is the question”. Here the main character Hamlet is wondering what he must do in a particular situation.
Every woman has bad traits she must discard for her own good and the good of her relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
When a young woman finds a fault or habit in her man that she does not like, must she close her eyes to what she has found, believing things will somehow turn out right? Must she simply run away from the relationship for fear she is letting herself into trouble? Must she pause to evaluate the entire situation ?
After a period of friendship, a lady may find her man wants her to do only what he approves of; stop spending time with her girlfriends or even pay sufficient attention to her own family, that is her parents and siblings; never talk to another man; he may even beat her up when he is angry with her!
These may be extreme examples! But what must a girl do in any of these or similar scenarios?
One young woman will drop the man like a hot brick out of fear of getting herself into a terrible marriage if he decides to propose to her. Another lady will request a pause in the relationship to find out if his attitude will change for the better. A permanent change however cannot be guaranteed unless the man is willing to genuinely allow Jesus to change him. This is clearly stated in 2 Corinthians 5:17 of the Bible, Therefore if anyone is in Christ (Jesus) he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come. Yet another lady will close her eyes to the problem in the hope that she can tolerate the habit or it will somehow go away after they are married.
There is a wise saying which states it is better to keep your eyes wide open when entering a relationship and during the period preceding marriage. The saying however goes on to advise closing one’s eyes permanently to faults, to the extent of behaving like a blind person, after the pair gets married!
If a woman does not make the right decisions early enough, she risks falling deeply in love with her man for superficial and wrong reasons. These can be
1.Generosity with money or attention
2. Sex when the two do not know each other well enough. The Bible teaches against sex before marriage. When a girl does not know what she likes or dislikes in her boyfriend, sex can blind her to his poor qualities because she has enjoyed sleeping with him. She may also be unwilling to leave him because she feels guilty about having sex before marriage. He may also marry her before her eyes open to all that she cannot tolerate in marriage.
The woman may then decide she and her husband are incompatible and ask for divorce. Another lady may decide she does not believe in divorce because of her faith or family traditions and simply go through the motions of being married. Either way her physical or emotional health may suffer. She may become depressed, unhappy, lose weight and appear miserable to people around her. She may become sick enough to be admitted to a medical or psychiatric institution! She can also literally die from a bad marriage as if it were a fatal disease!
Any children from the marriage can suffer from the break up or the unhappy marriage. What could hurt more may be a desertion by the man before or after marriage. A man without conscience may never propose marriage after many years of friendship! Meanwhile the lady has realized the guy was not marriage material but failed to quit the relationship earlier.
Before starting a relationship every girl must have standards, possibly written down for easy reference, so she knows what she wants and is necessary in the character of a man who may become her husband. She can read books about marriage and how to choose a husband. This is important if she is a person of faith and particularly if she is a Christian. She can attend seminars or lectures about marriage and observe couples whose marriage she admires.
These points I have raised for ladies to consider can also help men to choose sensibly female friends who may end up as their wives.