Often a young woman finds herself in a dilemma at some point in the relationship with her boyfriend. She must decide whether to continue the friendship or get out of it. This reminds me of a quotation from Shakespeare’s play Hamlet, “To be or not to be; that is the question”. Here, Hamlet the main character is in a dilemma and wondering what to do.

When a young woman finds a habit in her man that she does not like, must she close her eyes to what she has found, believing things will somehow turn out right? Must she simply run away from the relationship for fear she is letting herself into trouble? Must she pause to evaluate the entire situation ?

After a period of friendship, a lady may find her man wants her to do only what he approves of. He may insist she stops spending time with her family and friends . Worse still, the guy may order her never to talk to another man or beat her up when he is angry!

These may be extreme examples but they are real ones!

One young woman will drop the man like a hot brick out of fear of getting herself into a terrible marriage. Another lady will close her eyes to the problem in the hope that she can tolerate the habit or it will somehow disappear after marriage. Yet another lady will request a pause in the relationship to find out if his attitude will change for the better.

I however believe permanent change cannot be guaranteed unless the man is willing to allow Jesus to transform him. This is clearly stated in the Bible in 2 Corinthians 5:17, ” Therefore if anyone is in Christ (Jesus) he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come“.

It is however sensible to observe this wise saying. It states that it is better to keep your eyes wide open when entering a relationship. The same goes for the period preceding marriage. The saying however continues to advise closing one’s eyes permanently to faults after marriage. And to do this to the extent of behaving like a blind person!

If a woman does not make the right decisions early in the relationship, she risks falling deeply in love with her man for superficial and wrong reasons. These can be

1.Generosity with money or attention

2. Sex when the two do not know each other well enough and while the Bible forbids sex before marriage. Meanwhile the girl may not know what she likes or dislikes in her boyfriend in those early days. This means that sex can blind her to his poor qualities when she has enjoyed sleeping with him. She may also be unwilling to leave him because she feels guilty about having sex before marriage. Her boyfriend may also marry her before her eyes open to all that she cannot tolerate in a marriage.

The woman may then decide she and her husband are incompatible and ask for divorce. Another lady may decide she does not believe in divorce because of her faith or family traditions and simply go through the motions of being married. Either way her physical or emotional health may suffer. She may become depressed, unhappy and lose weight. She may become sick enough to be admitted to a medical or psychiatric facility! She can also literally die from a bad marriage as if it were a fatal disease!

Children from the marriage may suffer from the break up of the relationship. What may hurt the woman most may be desertion by the man before or after marriage. A man without conscience may never propose marriage after many years of friendship! Meanwhile the lady has realized the guy was not marriage material but failed to quit the relationship early.

Before starting a relationship every girl must have standards which are written down for easy reference. This will enable her to look out for what she wants in a husband. In addition, she can read books about marriage and how to choose a husband. This is important especially if she is a person of faith and a Christian. She can attend marriage seminars and observe couples whose relationships she admires.

In a later blog, I will go through chapter 24 of the Book of Genesis to show biblical principles for choosing a husband.

The points I have raised here for ladies to consider can also help men to choose female friends wisely so they find the right wives.


Add yours

  1. Very true points. I believe people in general should really get to know themselves and truly love themselves prior to entering into any relationship. This way you have a better understanding of your needs and what type of mate you need. Self love I believe determines how you allow people to treat you. Not everyone deserves a front seat in your life.


    1. Audrey, I agree with all that you’ve said. It’s safer to get to know a man fairly well before you start a serious relationship with him.


      1. I am grateful for your comment. This will encourage me to write more often


    1. Brief comment but it says a lot. Thanks so much. Am encouraged to start next blog soon


  2. Dear Auntie Amelia,
    This is an inspiring publication. In truth only Jesus Christ can change a person. You also said it right- No lady or young man have ability to see into the habits now and in the future of the to-be partner but assuredly, one factor counts; own standards. One’s standards would let him/her choose rightful character as a complimenting and compatible couple.

    God bless you more and more.

    Your Son,


    1. Thanks Emmanuel for your inspiring comments. You have spurred me on to start a second blog soon. God richly bless you


  3. Incredible piece! Love one another above all things. “A woman finds life much more enjoyable if she knows she is the sweetheart, not just the wife of her husband” Dr James Dobson.


  4. This was a good read.
    In addition I believe both men and women should have standards that are critical and non negotiable in potential spouses. They may also have ones that are flexible and open for negotiation. In this way, one may know the people they should entertain in their lives. I should say also, that marriage should be entered prayerfully and carefully.


    1. I agree with you completely. I remember my father said he prayed for a wife before he met my mother. They weren’t a perfect couple but they had a happy marriage


  5. A good piece of work. Keep it up.
    However, it is important to note the following: Marriage is a journey for responsible and near maturing persons. It is however, important to note that maturity continues with marriage.

    The choice of a life partner must never be a stroke of an arm, but a purposeful and gradual process. The relationship must start from the acquaintance stage through a series of friendship stages and ultimately to the courting stage.

    The promotion of a relationship from one stage to the other should be shaped by your values and red flags. In the first two stages, the brain should override the heart; where questions like blood status (sickler etc) could be asked. Once you transit to the courting stage then there is near certainty that you made the right choice.


    1. Leslie , your comment was detailed and extremely accurate. I love what you wrote more, each time I read it.


  6. Good read Auntie Amelia.
    Such guidance and conversations should be encouraged within homes to shape the thoughts and the development of young adults.
    Pointers of a ‘good or bad marriage’ can be identified during courtship if we are attentive enough. More so the standards required in ones definition of a ‘good marriage’ remains as an individual KPI which can only be set by the parties involved.
    My humble suggestion is; Don’t settle. Insist on the standards and acceptable tolerance levels, walk into marriage having a fair idea of worst case scenarios so that one doesn’t get disappointed.
    Remember that, expectation is the mother of all disappointments.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are right, Edwin. You hit the nail right on the head! Your comments are worth considering during conversations between parents and growing children in the home.


  7. Thanks so much Mum for sharing such a wonderful piece with us. It would been of great help if I had read this months ago but I still think I can take a lot from it.

    God bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This is a great piece…..Practical guidelines you have outline, Thank you Grandma
    This is amazing! Thanks Grandma


    1. Also my sister in law lately suggested a change to the title- Want to avoid regret after marriage? Ladies this is how you can!


  9. Great massage but what I have realized is that most women who are selective in choosing a life partner ends up delaying their marriages


    1. Thank you very much for your compliment. I would rather say some of them delay getting married without good reason. Most wait to make the right choice taking into consideration the standards they have set up for themselves.

      Liked by 1 person

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