Often a young woman finds herself in a dilemma at some point in the relationship with her boyfriend. She must decide whether to continue the friendship or get out of it. This reminds me of a quotation from Shakespeare’s play Hamlet, “To be or not to be; that is the question”. Here, Hamlet the main character is in a dilemma and wondering what to do.
When a young woman finds a habit in her man that she does not like, must she close her eyes to what she has found, believing things will somehow turn out right? Must she simply run away from the relationship for fear she is letting herself into trouble? Must she pause to evaluate the entire situation ?
After a period of friendship, a lady may find her man wants her to do only what he approves of. He may insist she stops spending time with her family and friends . Worse still, the guy may order her never to talk to another man or beat her up when he is angry!
These may be extreme examples but they are real ones!
One young woman will drop the man like a hot brick out of fear of getting herself into a terrible marriage. Another lady will close her eyes to the problem in the hope that she can tolerate the habit or it will somehow disappear after marriage. Yet another lady will request a pause in the relationship to find out if his attitude will change for the better.
I however believe permanent change cannot be guaranteed unless the man is willing to allow Jesus to transform him. This is clearly stated in the Bible in 2 Corinthians 5:17, ” Therefore if anyone is in Christ (Jesus) he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come“.
It is however sensible to observe this wise saying. It states that it is better to keep your eyes wide open when entering a relationship. The same goes for the period preceding marriage. The saying however continues to advise closing one’s eyes permanently to faults after marriage. And to do this to the extent of behaving like a blind person!
If a woman does not make the right decisions early in the relationship, she risks falling deeply in love with her man for superficial and wrong reasons. These can be
1.Generosity with money or attention
2. Sex when the two do not know each other well enough and while the Bible forbids sex before marriage. Meanwhile the girl may not know what she likes or dislikes in her boyfriend in those early days. This means that sex can blind her to his poor qualities when she has enjoyed sleeping with him. She may also be unwilling to leave him because she feels guilty about having sex before marriage. Her boyfriend may also marry her before her eyes open to all that she cannot tolerate in a marriage.
The woman may then decide she and her husband are incompatible and ask for divorce. Another lady may decide she does not believe in divorce because of her faith or family traditions and simply go through the motions of being married. Either way her physical or emotional health may suffer. She may become depressed, unhappy and lose weight. She may become sick enough to be admitted to a medical or psychiatric facility! She can also literally die from a bad marriage as if it were a fatal disease!
Children from the marriage may suffer from the break up of the relationship. What may hurt the woman most may be desertion by the man before or after marriage. A man without conscience may never propose marriage after many years of friendship! Meanwhile the lady has realized the guy was not marriage material but failed to quit the relationship early.
Before starting a relationship every girl must have standards which are written down for easy reference. This will enable her to look out for what she wants in a husband. In addition, she can read books about marriage and how to choose a husband. This is important especially if she is a person of faith and a Christian. She can attend marriage seminars and observe couples whose relationships she admires.
In a later blog, I will go through chapter 24 of the Book of Genesis to show biblical principles for choosing a husband.
The points I have raised here for ladies to consider can also help men to choose female friends wisely so they find the right wives.